“Prison is a nightmare for those who deserve it. For those who don’t, it is a daily struggle to maintain some level of sanity. For those who suddenly learn that there is proof of their innocence yet they remain locked up, the situation is literally maddening.”
– Author, John Grisham
Hello to everyone and Happy New Year.
After a very long break, I recently felt compelled to write again. You see, I’m reading a new book (a novel) that Lisa sent me for Christmas, The Guardians, by John Grisham. It’s about a group called “Guardian Ministries” that work on wrongful convictions. The main character, a wrongful conviction lawyer, is fighting to have his innocent client freed. Even though the lawyer and his team have uncovered evidence to prove innocence, his client remains behind bars. It is a long and difficult road to exoneration fighting a system of laws designed to put people in prison, not to let them out. As I was reading the book I came across the above quoted passage and suddenly had to stop. I read it again and then said out loud, “This is me. This is what I am feeling. He gets it.”
It is now January of 2020 and another year has passed since my wrongful conviction. It has been 24 years since I was arrested and everything I cared about was taken away. It was January of 1996 when I was put behind bars, falsely accused of a terrible crime that I did not commit. I have been fighting to prove my innocence ever since. It must also be acknowledge that it was 24 years ago this month that little Christopher needlessly lost his life. His loss is never forgotten.
Over the many, many years of my incarceration I’ve often found it difficult to express what it is like to be imprisoned as an innocent man; isolated and alone, helpless and desperate for someone to listen, someone to understand, someone to help. It’s different in prison for someone who is innocent. It’s much, much harder. Of course being confined in a prison is in of itself depressing and oppressive for all, but every day is a devastating struggle when you’re innocent. Every day. As each day passes, hope becomes an elusive concept that you struggle to hold on to. I’ve noticed, however, that the guilty seem to be able to find a psychological acceptance to their confinement and reconcile a type of peace. Perhaps it’s just easier when you know you’re guilty. I have never felt that acceptance or peace. Never. Every day that I remain locked up as an innocent man is physical and psychological torture and, like Mr. Grisham wrote, “literally maddening.”
What helps is trying to focus on all that I have and not what I’ve lost. And I do have so much. I have the love of an incredible woman who is my partner and my rock. I have a loving and supportive family who through all of this has stood by my side. I have many close friends who continue to love and support me. And I have all of you who have given me your encouragement, support and prayers. For all that I have I am very grateful. And, during the darkest of days remembering what “I have” is what gives me the strength to go on. So, I put on a brave face, tell everyone that I’m okay, and I survive another day, another year, another decade. I survive to fight.
I also have an amazing group of people working on my case, all fighting together with me to prove my innocence. And, incredibility, this year joining our legal team is a wrongful conviction clinic from a prestigious Boston law school . The professor and class of law students are now working with the rest of our team to bring me home. We are optimistic that this will be the year that we file with the court and my conviction will be overturned. Our hope is that once we present our overwhelming evidence and detail the egregious errors, the Bristol County District Attorney will not oppose our motion and take the opportunity to be a hero and right a terrible wrong. Wishful thinking?
To simply state that it is a difficult task to overturn a wrongful conviction is a monumental understatement. And, remaining locked away in prison while hoping for your conviction to be overturned is agonizing and maddening. But, there is strength and power in love, in family, in dreams, in optimism. We remain optimistic. We have hope. We have dreams. In fact, we are calling 2020 the year of dreams. So, this year, like every year, we will dream. Dream of a life where we won’t have to fight anymore. Dream of a life together, as a family. Dream of being truly free. Dream of chapter three. And our dreams are what will bring us One Day Closer…
Knowing you as a person, I am well aware that you were wronged. I will pray that with all the evidence you have, decency in humanity will prevail. Best of luck to you my friend Brian. I look forward to the homecoming!!
I believe that justice will prevail and that you will be free. Don’t give up hope.
So we find ourselves in this place again. Hope is not lost. We take each step forward we continue to believe. We know that there is a perfect ending to this tragic story. We will not stop until our dream is realized. Love Mom
Stay strong Brian this is going to finally be your year! ❤❤❤🙏
Its so GREAT to hear from you again. My prayers will continue…until we have that party to WELCOME U HOME…..FINALLY!! One day closer…sending you MUCH MUCH LOVE and STRENGTH XOXO Tina
Brian, I just read your post, and added you to my prayer list. I recently saw an interview of John Grisham highlighting his newest book, The Guardians. In the interview, he also spoke of the Innocence Project. It is encouraging at the number of people that have been released from prison for wrongful convictions. As a retired minister, I spent a number of years teaching the Bible in prisons. I vividly recall descriptions that inmates game me of their struggles. I have read articles about the incident in which you were accused, and incarcerated. I pray that this year will be the year you will be exonerated of all wrong doing.
Brian,
Amazing post brother. Being one of the people who know you personally from INSIDE prison, I know better than anyone who may only have known you BEFORE or who has come across this page, folks reading this. I WAS GUILTY OF MY CRIME. I am a person with the brain disorder called ADDICTION. When I use drugs, my frontal lobe stops making decisions for me, and I do things I would NEVER do otherwise and land up in prison. EVERY TIME. Period. The last time I allowed this to happen in my life was 2004. In 2006 I had a conversation with Bob and Brian at MCI Norfolk and that conversation with my two REAL TRUE FRIENDS is what encouraged me to change my life.
Here I am in 2020. I’ve been clean and clean living since I was released at the end of 2011. I work an amazing professional job as an IT Manager. I’m about to start my own business. I’m married to my best friend. I volunteer my services at the housing development near my home. I love my life!!!
I owe all of that to the LOVE and ENCOURAGEMENT I got from the TRUE FRIENDS I found in the darkest of all places that you just read the man who is fighting for his freedom describe to you. One friend who freely admits his guilt and told me point blank he DESERVES to be in prison for what he did but he doesn’t think forever is reasonable; not at the 25 year mark when he isn’t even the same person as the 19 year old who made the decision oh so many years ago and not the 45 year old who saved MY life with loving words and encouragement. And then there is Brian, the quiet loner who had semi-intelligent conversations for me, a rare thing to find in Prison. Brian held down a job, tutored other inmates and kept to himself. I modeled myself after them. It was the “OG” Lifers I had the most respect for, but Brian just doesn’t “fit in” here. There was something about him, SO I got to know him over my 8 year incarceration. We became friends. We became Family. And then, I asked about what brought him to prison. The guy didn’t even want to tell me. He’d been “blow off” or not believed SO MANY TIMES. He didn’t even want to tell the story to his new friend. But he let me READ the case for myself, because as they say,”The Proof is in the Pudding.” So if you’re out there thinking “here is another convict screaming to get out of the can….” Just stop. Stop.. and READ. It’s all right there plain as day. Spend a little time and check the facts yourself. This is a man’s life. Not just his, but his family and friends who love him too. ALL OF OUR LIVES are touched by Brian… because he is THAT AWESOME.
2020 – Exonerate Brian Peixoto – It’s been WAY TOO LONG ALREADY