January 2015

Hello everyone,

I hope you are all healthy and well.

This is a very difficult time of the year. Every year at this time I am flooded with an array of emotions. This month marks the anniversary of little Christopher’s tragic death.

When I think about the tragedy of Christopher dying I don’t think merely about the loss of a small boy, I think also about the loss to so many more.

Christopher died on January 22, 1996. I can’t imagine the terrible pain this must have caused his young sister and entire family. It is a horrible thing for any family to have to endure. And I have always empathized with his family that loved him and miss him dearly. Even now as so many fight for my freedom, we constantly remind ourselves that a young boy’s life was lost and we should never lose sight of that.

However, this month marks another anniversary – the anniversary of my incarceration. This time of the year especially I stop to think about all that was taken from me and my family. Nineteen years have gone by that I have been in prison for a crime I did not commit. Nineteen years that I have been an innocent man wrongly convicted of a horrific crime. Wow, just saying those words to myself and contemplating the gravity of this injustice has a profound, emotional effect on me. Every day I try to stay focused and fight back the feelings of hurt and anger. But this time of year I often lose that battle. Nineteen years have gone by that I have missed holidays, birthdays, my sister’s wedding, my niece’s birth; my whole life. For nineteen years my family has fought to right the wrong.

Nineteen years ago my daughter, Amber was four years old. She turned 23 this past June. I think how confusing it must have been for her and how her life was affected.

I think about what it must have been like for my sister and my parents to see me in that courtroom in handcuffs, charged with murdering a little boy; on the nightly news and in newspapers calling me, “Baby Killer.” The stares; the confusion; the hurt; the tears. What must that have been like for them to endure? How did they find the strength to keep going? How could I have ever survived without their love and support?

Then I think about the years my young daughter, just a little girl, went to school and had the other kids tease her about her daddy being in prison.  I recently learned about things Amber encountered in high school, where kids can be so cruel and have the means to publically embarrass an innocent girl. Living with the stigma of being labelled the daughter of a child killer – I can’t imagine. The years of pain my parents have had to endure knowing what people were whispering about their son, at the same time loving me and fighting to right this injustice. My sister. My baby sister. No one looked up to me more than her. I was her big brother. I can’t even imagine how she felt when someone would say something bad about me.

Tragic. Tragic is the one word that keeps coming to my mind. Even though that word in and of itself cannot alone fully encapsulate the gravity of it all. There are other words that can be used like pain, hurt, sadness, loss, emptiness, anger, desperation…, I can go on and on. None of it makes sense.

To the family and loved ones of Christopher, I am personally very sorry for your loss. To his sister who was so young at the time, I am sorry for all you have had to endure and pray that you find peace. I pray that your whole family is able to find comfort in the truth about what happened to Christopher. I never put my hands on Christopher in anger. NEVER. That is the truth. While it was tragic what happened to Christopher and your family, it was also tragic what has happened – IS happening – to me and my family.

To my family…I am sorry. I am sorry for the pain loving me has caused all of you over the years.

Please, I ask that this month especially everyone keep in their thoughts and prayers Christopher’s family and my family; two families that have been bound through tragedy. May everyone be able to find peace and comfort and happiness and freedom. It’s been a long time coming.

One day closer

Brian

11 thoughts on “January 2015

  1. Joyce coute

    My dear son, time has not made anything easier that’s true but I must believe that the day will come when we will be together again. I am so proud of you. You have overcome injustices that I could never fully understand. You have become an extraordinary man of strength and yet there’s gentleness and caring – I truly don’t know how you do it. We will never stop working to you get the justice you deserve. With all my love, Mom.

    Reply
  2. vickie fetterman

    Brian thank you for this post, ironically I just jotted an email to Lisa asking about you. It is for a moment like you looked into my soul and spoke so many of the emotions that myself along with Clayton and those who love him have been experiencing this last six weeks. I cannot imagine what it is like to be incarcerated for a horrendous crime against a child you are innocent of. My son and I talk about this but I realize I cannot know the depths of his feelings and all he has walked through along with yourself. Because of Clayton’s case and yourself and several other young men in similar situations and charges I keep asking myself what is at the root of these wrongful convictions? I know there are often many things layers deep but almost always it appears early on the police catch tunnel vision and the public has formed their opinions.
    I remember the feelings as a mom hearing the news stations call my son a baby killer and what I felt is beyond words, I could vividly recall holding him close as an infant and knew in my heart life was forever changed for us. It is my constant hope and prayer that truth will come out in all of these cases, I know there are so many ups and downs and highs and lows it is like navigating an unknown river never knowing what is around the bend. I am not sure of your faith but what I do know is God promises he can turn our ashes to beauty, our mourning to dancing and our sorrows for joy. I hold onto that for yourself, my son, and so many others. May God be near to you, you are an amazing man and I will remember you and your loved ones in prayer.

    Reply
  3. Randy Estrella

    Well brother you brought me to tears again. Your words are so honest and heart felt. That is the Brian I always knew. The friend, brother that was always there for everyone he cared about. I regret everyday that I haven’t done more for you my friend. Raising my son working 2/3 jobs the past 25 years is no excuse. My son is in his second year in college on a full 4 year academic scholarship and I cannot imagine not being there for him everyday like I was. It hurts me to know how painful that must of been for you brother because I know when Amber was born how you were the happiest dad and so caring and loving with her. I don’t know your daughter and regret that as well but I know you have a great family who were always so kind to me, that I know she was well cared for. She’s a beautiful girl Brother. I know how proud you must be of her. Seems despite what she has been through she is a strong and caring person just like her father always was. This world us very cruel and there are plenty of haters. We all had people who wanted to comment about you Brian but what matters most is the people who love you and know you. I never had to deal with people because I always told everyone that you were innocent. The Brian I know would never hurt anyone especially a child. I’ve been wanting to write you and will do that real soon my friend. Also I would like to come visit you sometime if that possible. Being a retired correctional officer of 20 years from the state of RI I know you would have to put me on your visitor list. If you would like to see me I would love to see you again my brother. It’s been way too long. I know it’s a tough month for you just know there’s a lot if people out here who love you very much. I look forward to talking with you again my friend. You stay strong. You fight everyday. I know how strong you are. I love you brother. Randy.

    Reply
  4. Heather Ann Roy-Greenwood

    My prayers are with you, and your family. I’m your sister’s friend and I knew immediately that you were not the cause of that little boy’s death. I will do anything I can to help get you out of prison which there is no reason to be in. The good lord above sees what goes on, and while we may not understand why he could let this happen, I know he doesn’t give us more than we can handle. There are a lot of people backing you up, because we all know you’re innocent. The things you’ve accomplished are remarkable, and show your inner strengths. I’m sorry about how they treated your daughter, but kids can be so mean. I told your sister that I had a very bad concussion, and didn’t know it, but 3 days later I was staggering around like a drunk w/o knowing why. My neurologist told me that the longer it takes to get symptoms from a concussion, the stronger it really is. I worked at St.Anne’s & knew the radiologist, and I worked at 2 other ones as well, but that radiologist was smart, but totally unorganized, and very sloppy. I will do what I can to help you. I believe you are in no way capable of harming anyone, least of all a child. It sickens me how many holes are in your case. Hang in there, and your sister knows I will do what I can to help. My prayers are with all of you. Sincerely, Heather Ann Roy

    Reply
  5. John Teixeira

    Hey pal…Johnny Tex from Club Oasis. Have had you in my prayers over the years…you were and ARE a good man, and I highly doubt could EVER be responsible for such a horrific event. I have and always will consider you…MY FRIEND.
    Sincerely
    TEX

    Reply
  6. Amber Peixoto

    Dad,
    I don’t think you hear it enough. You are the most amazing guy I have ever met in my entire life. Although dealing with an immense amount of emotions with this whole case, you have never fell short of being there for me as a best friend, a role model, and above all a father. You’ve taught me life lessons and given me outstanding advice that I will hold with me forever. Your attitude towards every situation I’ve dealt with has always been treated with understanding and positivity. You’ve always supported everything I’ve done and do everything in your power to make sure it happens for me, and for that I thank you. It has been a struggle to remain positive over the past 19 years, there’s absolutely no denying that. Dealing with certain instances and the hurtful things people were saying about my father was not easy. Through out it all, I have always admired how strong and courageous you have been. I can not remember one time that you have let me see you upset or let me see what you were dealing with behind closed doors. You’re an amazing person and an even better father. Although we’re not in the ideal situation, and it may have taken me a little while to realize, I am by far the luckiest girl of all time to have someone like you to call my dad. Every day I think about how much our lives will change the day you come home to us all. One day closer Dad, one day closer. ❤️

    Reply
  7. Neighbor

    I wish to remain anonymous as I was a neighbor of the mother of these children I remember hearing of Christopher’s death and not knowing the circumstances I honestly thought he fell out the third floor window of her apartment. I often would see him and his young sister literally hanging out the window with no screen and shaking my head thinking God is definitely with these children. The child’s mother and family didn’t have an easy life they were and still are in and out of trouble. I feel for both sides of this situation and can tell you the only one that always suffer is the children as usual. We will probably never know the real circumstances of this crime. However supervision was definitely lacking on a daily basis. I think often of that little boy and the day I heard the news.
    God bless both families and may you find peace in knowing he now is safe in gods arms

    Reply
    1. Brian Post author

      Thank you “neighbor.” I assure you that we will know the real circumstances of the crime. We actually know most of the truth now and it will all be made public in the next few months. I assure you that it is not anything close to what was negligently written in the newspapers.

      Reply
  8. tina plourde

    I am truly amazed at your strengths…I cannot imagine how difficult the past 19 yrs have been. I am angered w,the fact that this wrong cannot be reversed quick enough. It is quite clear in reading all the facts about your case, that you did not have any part of Christophers death. And yet while you have lost so many yrs and memories….there are real bad ppl out there in this world that are free. I pray everday that god will undue this horrific injustice. Our legal system sucks and that is really tragic. Stay strong…believe that good things do happen to good ppl…it just seems like that takes an awfully long time. Always loved you…good person..always there to help ppl out….so now it is OUR turn to pay it forward for you. One day closer.

    Reply
  9. Sue Luttner

    Thank you, Brian, for your from-the-heart posting. I was already tearing up as I finished your letter, but then the answers put me over the edge and I’m crying real tears. I am so glad you have such a large and dedicated support network. I hope Christopher’s family and others who loved him will accept my sincere condolences as well.

    I am so sorry your family has been caught in this tragic example of human fallibility. I am impressed that you have maintained such a positive outlook in the face of this exasperating and unnecessary pain. I look forward to hearing good news about your case, as we look for a way to convince the child protection teams that they are working with a flawed model of infant head injury. There was a little bit of good news out of New York last month, where a judge overturned the conviction of child care provider Rene Bailey in a short-fall case not entirely unlike yours. http://onsbs.com/2014/12/19/successful-appeals-keep-the-conversation-going/

    Reply
  10. Michael Wiesner (Smith)

    Brian, your eloquent words, and the replies, have moved me to tears. I only found out about your case recently, and it is spine-chilling. Tragically, there are so many wrongful convictions, but yours is even more outrageous than others, and that is saying a lot.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, may you be reunited very soon.

    Mike Wiesner (Smith)

    Reply

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