Dancer’s graduation

Hello to everyone,

I know when it has been a while since last I posted when Lisa starts reminding me it’s time to get writing. The truth is it’s difficult for me to write a post. I often feel like I am writing the same things over and over again. I also don’t want to come across as depressing or complaining. In reality, my days are very mundane and often filled with quiet sadness. There are, however, small glimmers of light in my dark days. Getting to call Lisa is a highlight of my day. Also, getting visits from my family and friends. And probably the biggest highlight has always been working with the dogs.

I don’t mean to sound depressing or ungrateful for the wonderful things happening in my case. All of the advances in my case are remarkable. And all of the positive attention is incredible. It’s just that I’m tired. Twenty years is a long time. Twenty years is a VERY long time. It can be hard to stay positive. I have to constantly remind myself of the wonderful family and friends I have that love and support me. Or the amazing legal team I have working diligently to bring me home. And all of the incredible support we received after the article came out in Boston Magazine. I have so much more than so many others. I have hope. I hope for a future. I am grateful. I really am. It can just be very hard to fight off the negative influences and the darkness that fills my every day of being in prison for a crime I did not commit. It’s hard.

Brian and Dancer during the dog days of summer 2015

Brian and Dancer during the dog days of summer 2015

I am also struggling right now with the loss of my dog. Yes, Dancer has finally graduated. It is bitter sweet. I’ve known all along that the goal was to train her for a disabled person and that she would ultimately leave to change someone’s life. Well, on February 10th it happened. After raising and training her for 15 months, Dancer left to go to her forever home. Dancer was matched with a 15 year-old autistic girl. Dancer will work with the girl as a social dog to give her confidence in social situations. I am very proud of her. I was extremely fortunate to meet the mother of the disabled girl who received Dancer. At a meet-and-greet at the prison, the child’s mother came in to meet the man who trained the dog for her daughter. I was extremely honored. It was very emotional. She brought Dancer in with her and I got to see her. I have to admit; I lost control of my emotions and made a fool of myself. I took a picture with Dancer and the poor thing was freaked out at how emotional I was. Still, all and all it was an amazing experience and I was grateful for the opportunity to meet Dancer’s new mommy and to see her again. I know that Dancer will bring happiness and joy to that family’s lives and that I had a small part to play in it. I am honored, but I will miss her.

Dancer's graduation to the red vest-full service dog status March 1, 2016

Dancer’s graduation to the red vest-full service dog status:  March 1, 2016

As always I want to thank everyone for their love and support. Lisa reads your comments to me every day. Thank you for your kind encouragement and kind words. I smile as I hear them and I love and appreciate every word.

We continue to struggle in our fight. We sometimes stumble and merely survive one more day. But one thing is for sure, every day brings us one day closer…


20 years

Hello to everyone,

Last year at this time I wrote a post to mark the relevance of this date. I began the post with the sentence, “This is a very difficult time of the year.” And it is. This month marks 20 years since Christopher’s death. It also marks 20 years that I have been incarcerated as an innocent man.

However, this year I am choosing to focus on the positive. I want all of our thoughts to be toward the future and the hope that it brings. I want to think of this date as the one year anniversary of Jen, my attorney and our friend; talking to Lisa and deciding that she wants to be the attorney who finally brings me home. Every day we are thankful for Jen and all she does. She is selfless, dedicated, focused and supportive. We love her.

I want to write a little more about the significance of the article in Boston Magazine. At first we were very cautious and hesitant, me especially. I still have very vivid memories of how I was treated in the media 20 years ago. The sensationalism of the media, and the bold faced lies that were printed about me and my family were devastating. It got to the point where my family would withhold the articles from me for fear of how it would upset me. Not only did it affect my daughter and family, I believe it led to the “get a conviction at any cost” attitude of the prosecutor. In setting up the website it was suggested that the negative stories be addressed. After all, anyone interested in the story will come across the old articles. I was extremely reluctant, but ultimately decided that it’s better to go on the offense rather than wait to play defense. Because the truth is the truth and I’ve got nothing to hide. I’ve told the truth from the first night I walked into the police station and that has never changed.

However, Chris Vogel and ultimately the investigative reporter, Gus Garcia-Roberts put us at ease. They assured us they were not interested in a one sided, inaccurate puff piece, but rather telling an unbiased, true story of my case, based on an independent investigation. We decided to take a chance and cooperate with their investigation. After all, the truth is the truth. Digging deeper, I know can only confirm my innocence. We have not seen the article prior to publication nor do we know what was written. We have faith that the truth will come out. We are all very anxious to read it, and as I write this post, I am aware that by the time it is posted, the article should be released. Lisa often reminds me that it is the truth that will set me free. Let’s hope that this is the beginning.

UPDATE: Brian wrote this in mid-January anticipating an early publication date and the 4-5 days it takes for his mail to arrive which is why it is addressed in the future tense. The magazine is now on newsstands.

Happy New Year 2016

January 2016: Happy New Year!!!

We want to wish everyone a happy and safe new year.

It’s been a long year and we are all very hopeful for 2016. This time of the year is a time for reflection and contemplation. We look at the year that has past, and we look forward to what the new year will bring. For us, it’s been an amazing year. So much has happened, things that I could never have imagined. The love and support me and my family have received is amazing. I can’t even put into words what all of your support has meant to me and my family. Saying thank you doesn’t seem to be enough.

And our dreams of new hope were granted this year – Jen Fitzgerald, my attorney who has dedicated her every waking moment to fighting for me, sacrificing so much; John Nardizzi, the private investigator who joined the team , working to uncover the truth; CPCS Innocence Program Staff Attorney, Ira Gant, also joined our team; all of the medical experts who volunteered to look at the medical evidence in my case and could not help but volunteer to right a wrong; and the new evidence that has been uncovered proving I’ve always told the truth. It’s been an epic year.

We also believe in our hearts that this new year will be the year of truth and freedom. We are hopeful that 2016 will be our year.

With that said, there are some things we would like to update everyone on. What has been going on?

Jen at work; inspiration at eye level-photos of Brian at trial and today, 20 years in the making.

Jen at work; inspiration at eye level-photos of Brian at trial and today, 20 years in the making.

My attorney, Jen, has been working non-stop. And John, the PI, has been digging, making some amazing discoveries. Jen is preparing a Motion for New Trial based on all that has been uncovered. Jen has been the very first attorney to actually investigate the truth by reading every document, police report, transcript, and brief in my case. She dug where no one else put any effort to dig. Moreover, she was the first attorney to ever believe me when I said, “I’m innocent.”

Thus, what Jen has exposed is nothing short of incredible. My next blog later this month will go into more detail on the new evidence. We will be filing with the court early this year.

Also, something to look forward to this year is an article in Boston Magazine. Yes, that’s right; a prominent, local magazine has searched us out wanting to tell our story. We reached out to various media outlets in 2014 and heard from (now) Senior Editor, Chris Vogel who actually contacted us independently, after conducting research on the topic of SBS and finding his way to our website. Our request and his inquiry passed in the mail. Everything happens for a reason. For the past few months we have been working with award winning investigative reporter Gus Garcia-Roberts who is writing the feature article about my case. Mr. Roberts told us that he wants to tell the story of an innocent man who has been imprisoned for nearly 20 years and how the criminal justice system failed him and his family. Mr. Roberts has already investigated the case, interviewed my family, my attorney and many of the medical experts and witnesses. He also received permission from the Department of Corrections and came to the prison and interviewed me. He has conducted his own investigation into my case, so we are all very excited and curious about his article. It will be published in the February issue and available online and on newsstands by the third week of January, 2016. INCREDIBLE!

To all of you, we hope that in 2016 all of your dreams come true. Lisa often reminds me that dreams are wishes your heart makes. We will dream too. We will dream of new hope, new opportunities, that doors will be opened, and I will finally be home with my family. Have faith, hope and love. I know everything will be ok.

Remember, every day brings us…One Day Closer.



December 2015


Christmas kisses from Dancer, December 2015

Christmas kisses from Dancer, December 2015

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

To everyone, we wish you all a happy and safe holiday season.

From Lisa and me to our family, friends, and loved ones, we hope and pray that you all enjoy your Christmas and are thankful for every moment that you have with each other.

We will also be thinking of all of you, our supporters and legal team, sending you wishes for a beautiful holiday that is filled with special moments and loving memories.

Christmas morning at the Peixoto house!

Christmas morning at the Peixoto house!


This time of the year should be magical and filled with laughter and joy. Please, remember to add some perspective to your lives and remember what is truly important. Every moment is precious.

Merry Christmas, from all of mine, to all of yours.

Brian and Santa at Firehouse Pizza in Newport

Brian and Santa at Auntie Janice and Uncle Gil’s Firehouse Pizza in Newport


November 2015


My hope is that everyone is well.

Although I recently sent Lisa some thoughts to post, I felt compelled to write again.

I have been asked why it had been so long between my June and October posts. If you go back and read my June post, you will see that I wrote about the many special people in my life that have their birthdays in June. Unfortunately, over the many years, birthdays, anniversaries, and other happy events often have an opposite effect on me. Sorry for the hiatus.

Also, now, summer can be a difficult time for me in general. I can remember, when I was home summer was my favorite time of the year. Ask anyone who knew me, I was most comfortable in shorts and bare feet, and I was always ready to head to the beach. I was a sun worshiper. Also, summer was when my birthday was, and when Amber was born. Summer was my symbol of life and happiness.

Once I got locked behind these walls, summer was merely a reminder of what I used to have; what was lost; what had been taken away. Over my many years in prison, I came to despise summer and what it reminds me of.

What made me want to write today is that I want to share what has been going on in my heart and mind now…

During the different times of the calendar year I have a vast array of memories and emotions. Some good; some bad. While I have been in prison; however, there has always been something psychological about the changing of the seasons that affects me in a profound way. Lisa and I have spoken at length about it. She feels it too. It may be the symbolic thought of change-the death of one season, and the birth of a new one. Or, it may merely be that the changing of the seasons marks the passage of time-time away from my family; time I’ve grown older in prison. I think it’s about the loss. In retrospect, perhaps it’s that I feel that my feelings of loss are magnified during the changing of the seasons.

Vovó and Brian

Vovó and Brian

Fall and November, in particular, is a symbol of loss for me because it was when I lost my cousin, John and my grandparents, vovó and vovô. I was already incarcerated and unable to be there when they passed. I could not be there to pay my respects, mourn with my family, or to physically or emotionally help. That is something I’ve always had difficulty and regret about.

Cousin John Peixoto

Cousin John Peixoto

My cousin John suddenly and tragically was taken from his young wife and two small girls. Everyone was devastated. John was loved by everyone who knew him. And years later my father especially took it hard when his parents passed within hours of each other. I was not able to be with them. It was difficult beyond words. I will always live with the pain and regret that I was unable to be there. I’m sorry.

Really, I guess at different times of the year I could find something negative to remind me of loss. I understand that it is all a matter of choosing to find the positive; to stay focused on faith, hope, and love. And I do. But I am human. I have many difficult times. More than I choose to admit. More than I choose to share with my family. There are days when I want to scream for the truth to finally come out. But, because I don’t want them to worry, I put on a brave face and tell them that I’m ok. But that’s not always true. The truth is it is difficult being away from them. It is difficult being in prison for something I did not do. It is hard when I’m alone and I miss Lisa and my family. It’s particularly hard when it comes to my daughter.

I guess my point is that I have good days and I have bad days. Sometimes I feel strong, like nothing can hurt me because I have the truth on my side. Then, there are times when heartbreak and despair creep in and get a foothold. That’s when I lean a little harder on Lisa and my family; they are always there to hold me up. For that I am thankful. They take care of me. They keep me strong. They remind me of what is waiting for me when I go home. I pull myself up and keep going. The alternative is to give up. With so many people who love and support me, that’s not an option. I’m reminded of a message I got one night when I was all alone: she said, “Everything is going to be okay.”

Josh, Dancer and Brian October, 2015

Josh, Dancer and Brian October, 2015

As I look back at what I’ve written, I realize how depressing I must sound. So, I want to end this post on a happier note. I received a wonderful visit from my cousin Josh and his girlfriend Dolores. They were visiting from Nevada and made time to visit me. In fact, they spent most of the day with me and Dancer. It was great to see them. Josh is like my little brother and he has always been there for me. It was great to talk, laugh and spend time with them. He shared with me a song that he likes called, “Brother,” by Needtobreathe. I found an acoustic version and it’s now one of my favorite songs. Thanks Josh.


Thank you for letting me share some of my thoughts. And thank you to everyone for their continued love and kind words of support. Lisa reads them to me every day. She often reminds me how Jen and our legal team are fighting hard to bring me home. Lisa is my love and my life. She reminds me every day that we fight for our future and we fight because it brings us one day closer.



October 2015

Hello to everyone,

It’s been a while since I’ve last written. It has been a very long summer and I’ve been trying to keep my mind busy. Along with everyone else, I’ve been very anxious and looking forward to filing with the court. It can be difficult sometimes to stay positive and patient. I’m ready to go home.

Meanwhile…I’ve been trying to stay busy with school work and dog training. I’m taking my final college correspondence course. Once I’ve completed it, I will be only two credits shy of getting my degree. My dream is to complete my last class on the Boston University campus and to graduate with a degree in Sociology. I have been working towards this degree for eight years.

Things are progressing with the legal work and we are creeping forward. The private investigator has been hard at work with interviews and uncovering new evidence supporting my innocence which neither myself nor my attorney were aware of at the time my case went to trial.  In addition, Jen has been working tirelessly preparing a motion for new trial based on newly discovered evidence. The whole team has been amazing. It has been nothing short of jaw dropping what has been uncovered and I think there will be little doubt about what I’ve been saying for nearly 20 years: I am innocent!

An update on Dancer…she’s still with me. She was supposed to go this past August but plans were changed. The program here at the prison got a new trainer. The trainer wanted to have Dancer “re-evaluated.” So, in September Dancer went back to the NEADS facility for another two week evaluation. Of course, she did great. The plan remains the same-that she becomes a therapy dog, which means that she will be placed with a clinical therapist and will work under clinical therapeutic circumstances. For example, in situations where children are being treated for psychological disorders or have been the victim of abuse, Dancer would be used as a therapeutic tool to put the child at ease and to comfort and console. This, I believe, is the best possible job for Dancer. No matter how down or discouraged I feel, Dancer always manages to make me smile. However, because they want to find the perfect client for Dancer, she may be with me for another couple of months. Fine with me.

Happy Fall Amber! (~1993)

Happy Fall Amber! (~1993)

Finally, I want to once again thank everyone for their kind words and support. It has been a tough summer but all of your messages of encouragement have gotten me through. Please know that I love you all and never tire of hearing your messages. Thank you to everyone. We are One Day Closer…



June 2015

Hey Everybody,

A quick hello to update everyone…

First, I want to point out that June has always been a very notable month for birthdays in my family. This month we celebrate some special women who are very important to me because of how each of them touch my life each and every day.

The first birthday we celebrate in my mother’s, Joyce. My mom has always been my biggest cheerleader. Her unconditional love has always given me a safe place to land. No matter how old I get, she still looks at me as her little boy. My mother has never wavered in her belief in me and every day provides me with an example of unquestionable and unrelenting faith. I love you mom.

Amber Peixoto

Baby Amber


Next is my beautiful daughter, Amber. My jewel. My heart. My baby. I still remember the day she was born as if it were yesterday. I was hers from the moment she first looked up at me and smiled. I fell in love. I forever will be the very first man to fall victim to her charm. No matter what, I will always love you Amber.


Then is Lisa’s mom, Jeanette. She was taken from her family far too soon, but she still is loved and forever will be missed. Though I never had the privilege to meet her, I like to believe that she would approve of me for her daughter. I believe in my heart that when I see her daughter’s sincerity and sensitivity, love and understanding, her giving and hopeful spirit, I am seeing the qualities given to her from her mother. I know she would be proud of you Lisa. I believe she gave you to me long ago, and you have been looking for me ever since.

And then there is my aunt Janice. She is also my Godmother and has always been there for me when I needed a little extra love. As my mother’s sister, she always cared for me as if I were her own. I will always love and appreciate you for that.

Happy birthday to all of you. You are all very special to me and continue to touch my life in innumerable and profound ways. I love you all.

Brian, Mom and Dancer, May 2015

Brian, mom and Dancer, May 2015

An update about Dancer, the wonderful yellow lab I have been training for the NEADS service dog program. Dancer has had her twelve month evaluation at the NEADS facility, and I am happy to announce that she has been chosen to become a Therapy Dog. As such, she will be matched with a permanent handler who works as a physical and occupational therapist. Dancer will be her handler’s therapeutic partner working with children with physical and psychological disabilities. One of the ways that Dancer will work with her handler is by assisting children with social disorders by motivating them to interact socially as part of their therapy. In addition, often, without a child’s knowledge, a therapy dog can encourage a physically disabled child to use their hands, arms and legs, enhancing their flexibility and dexterity by playing tug and catch, as well as walking and brushing the dog. Now that Dancer has been evaluated, I can customize her training, preparing her for life as a Therapy Dog. We are hoping to have her placed with a client by the end of the summer.

Last month I told you a little about Jennifer Fitzgerald, an attorney from Rhode Island who contacted us offering her help. As I stated previously, Jen has joined our team and has been working nonstop on my case. Jen has done something that no other attorney has ever done: she has reviewed every single document, police report, transcript and brief ever filed in this case. Her meticulous review of every document related to the case has led to further actual investigation which has revealed a whole host of new issues which made the entire trial fundamentally unfair right from the start. What Jen has uncovered is nothing short of remarkable. We call her Supergirl!  Please stay tuned…I am told that there will be updates made to our website soon.

Finally, I want to wish my dad a Happy Father’s Day. My father is a man that I have grown to respect as a good, honest man who influences my decision making every day. He inspires me to be the best I can and to remember the importance of family. Happy Father’s Day, Dad.

I want to thank everyone for their continued messages of support. They really do keep me positive and hopeful for the future. Remember to be thankful for what you have and never miss an opportunity to tell those who are important to you that you love them. Now, more than ever, I believe we are One Day Closer…

May 5, 2015

Hello to everyone,

I hope you are all well and looking forward to spring. Lisa, our web administrator, has told me many times that spring is her favorite season. Spring, she says, represents new beginnings. So along with Lisa, let us all look forward to the spring and new beginnings. I love you, Lisa.

I’ve recently been made aware of efforts made by family, friends, and supporters to raise funds for a private investigator through Indiegogo. I am at a loss for words. I’ve been told of my family members and the many others who have come forward and offered their help and support. I am continuously awed at what you all are willing to give. I do not know how to express my gratitude. Words alone do not seem to be enough. Unfortunately, words are all I have. For that reason I sincerely say, I love you and thank you.

During the early days of my imprisonment I was forced to learn to survive. I had to learn to stand on my own, with my back against the wall, and defend myself from those who would want to cause me harm-and with the label “baby killer” there were many. By both staff and other inmates I was a target. I could trust no one. Even with the support of my family, behind the walls I was alone. It hardened me and made me untrusting. I found my strength in my isolation and that made it possible for me to endure the many years of my incarceration as an innocent man. Hope seemed like a ridiculous concept in a truly hopeless place. Now, with so much support, so many kind words and offers of help, it can be difficult for me. I often find myself in disbelief of the support of so many. I sometimes have to force myself to accept that I am no longer alone. In truth, I was never alone. There are so many who believe in me. Because of all of you, this lonely place does not feel so dark. I know now that I am a blessed man. The support of all of you is what has brought me to this light, this gift. Thank you to everyone.

There has been another amazing offer of help that I would like to share.  Over the years we have sent out hundreds of letters to doctors, lawyers and other professionals looking for help. This one came to us. Attorney Jennifer Fitzgerald has not only joined our team but is leading it as well. She has been working tirelessly reviewing every document, every report, and every court transcript. Jen has brought us new hope and new opportunities for justice. Working closely with Lisa, a new game plan is in the works. She has quickly become a friend. Over the next several months you will be hearing more about Jen and what will be our next move.

I want to briefly update everyone on Dancer’s progress. She is doing great. Her training is complete and she is ready for the next step in this process. By the way, May 9th is her birthday. She will be 1 year old. I feel like a proud father. The next step for her is to go to be evaluated at the NEADS facility. They will make a determination as to what client she will most be able to help. My hope is that she is matched with a child with a disability because Dancer is so sweet and gentle. She would bring great joy to a child’s life. I will keep you posted.


Mom and Brian

Mom and Brian

To my mom, Happy Mother’s Day; I love you. And a happy Mother’s Day to all the other mothers in my life. I hope you all have a great day and know in your hearts that you are loved and appreciated.

I ask that everyone take a moment in their busy lives to be thankful for all that they have. It is easy to lose focus on what is truly important in life. It is often not until it has been lost that one appreciates what they have. It is a lesson we should all remember.

Thank you once again for everyone’s support. Thank you to the many people who believe in me and are fighting to bring me home. I feel in my heart that with every passing day, we are One Day Closer…

February 2015

February 2015

Hello to everybody,

I must begin by thanking everyone for their amazing support and all of the wonderful comments on the website and the new Facebook page. When Sarah, from Injustice Anywhere asked if they could create a Facebook page for me I was hesitant. I have never seen a Facebook page and, admittedly, don’t fully understand how it all works. But for that matter, I’ve never seen a website, laptop or smartphone either. However, since the Facebook page was created I’ve been told of the many people who have left the most extraordinarily supportive messages. I have also been told of the messages from some special people from my past who I thought had forgotten about me. Every night, on the phone, Lisa reads me your personal messages and conversations; with tears in our eyes we talk about your beautiful words of support and encouragement. Your comments warm our hearts and bring us strength and hope. Personally, from us to you, thank you.

I want to take a moment to send a special hello to some old friends, Randy, John, Tina, Jimmy, Heather, Patricia, Steve, Manny & Becky, Christine, Melissa, Richard, Laurie and Mitch. I love you all. It’s been wonderful to hear from you. I have been told of your support and kind words. It touches me deeply. As I was read some of the old stories you shared on Facebook and the website I smiled warmly. It brought me back to happier times. Thank you. I miss you all.

I also want to tell everyone about a very special event I had the privilege to attend. We had two more dogs at the prison graduate the NEADS dog training program and be placed with clients. Honey, a yellow lab, and Eddie, a black lab, were placed with veterans with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The two veterans came into the prison to meet the men who trained their dogs. In a “meet and greet” event, attended by all the men in the dog program, Correctional Officers and other staff, and the Superintendent, these men came to thank US for OUR service. Amazing! Meeting these men, both Army veterans who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, was awe inspiring. They spoke about their multiple tours in the Middle East and the disabilities they returned home with. Both soldiers explained how their new service dogs will give them more freedom and mobility in their daily lives. Moreover, the companionship and confidence their dogs give them, they explained, is immeasurable. One of the veterans, with tears in his eyes, told us about his combat experience and how it often leaves him debilitated. He explained to us that his new service dog, Honey, already senses his trepidation and moves in to bring him comfort. The other veteran explained that he wakes in the middle of the night with night terrors, but Eddie jumps on his bed and reassures him that the perimeter is secure.

I consider myself privileged to have met these men and I am honored to have played a small part in providing them with a new service dog and lifelong companion.

Brian and Dancer January 2015

Brian and Dancer January 2015

Dancer’s training is going well. She is now nine months old and progressing steadily. Dancer now knows all of the obedience and task commands and we are now working on proofing these commands in different areas and with distractions. I continue to be proud of her and will update you on her progress.

To my family, my daughter, and Lisa, I love you all and miss you very much. Thank you once again to everyone on the team fighting to bring me home. I never lose hope and faith because of all of you. Every day brings us one day closer…



January 2015

Hello everyone,

I hope you are all healthy and well.

This is a very difficult time of the year. Every year at this time I am flooded with an array of emotions. This month marks the anniversary of little Christopher’s tragic death.

When I think about the tragedy of Christopher dying I don’t think merely about the loss of a small boy, I think also about the loss to so many more.

Christopher died on January 22, 1996. I can’t imagine the terrible pain this must have caused his young sister and entire family. It is a horrible thing for any family to have to endure. And I have always empathized with his family that loved him and miss him dearly. Even now as so many fight for my freedom, we constantly remind ourselves that a young boy’s life was lost and we should never lose sight of that.

However, this month marks another anniversary – the anniversary of my incarceration. This time of the year especially I stop to think about all that was taken from me and my family. Nineteen years have gone by that I have been in prison for a crime I did not commit. Nineteen years that I have been an innocent man wrongly convicted of a horrific crime. Wow, just saying those words to myself and contemplating the gravity of this injustice has a profound, emotional effect on me. Every day I try to stay focused and fight back the feelings of hurt and anger. But this time of year I often lose that battle. Nineteen years have gone by that I have missed holidays, birthdays, my sister’s wedding, my niece’s birth; my whole life. For nineteen years my family has fought to right the wrong.

Nineteen years ago my daughter, Amber was four years old. She turned 23 this past June. I think how confusing it must have been for her and how her life was affected.

I think about what it must have been like for my sister and my parents to see me in that courtroom in handcuffs, charged with murdering a little boy; on the nightly news and in newspapers calling me, “Baby Killer.” The stares; the confusion; the hurt; the tears. What must that have been like for them to endure? How did they find the strength to keep going? How could I have ever survived without their love and support?

Then I think about the years my young daughter, just a little girl, went to school and had the other kids tease her about her daddy being in prison.  I recently learned about things Amber encountered in high school, where kids can be so cruel and have the means to publically embarrass an innocent girl. Living with the stigma of being labelled the daughter of a child killer – I can’t imagine. The years of pain my parents have had to endure knowing what people were whispering about their son, at the same time loving me and fighting to right this injustice. My sister. My baby sister. No one looked up to me more than her. I was her big brother. I can’t even imagine how she felt when someone would say something bad about me.

Tragic. Tragic is the one word that keeps coming to my mind. Even though that word in and of itself cannot alone fully encapsulate the gravity of it all. There are other words that can be used like pain, hurt, sadness, loss, emptiness, anger, desperation…, I can go on and on. None of it makes sense.

To the family and loved ones of Christopher, I am personally very sorry for your loss. To his sister who was so young at the time, I am sorry for all you have had to endure and pray that you find peace. I pray that your whole family is able to find comfort in the truth about what happened to Christopher. I never put my hands on Christopher in anger. NEVER. That is the truth. While it was tragic what happened to Christopher and your family, it was also tragic what has happened – IS happening – to me and my family.

To my family…I am sorry. I am sorry for the pain loving me has caused all of you over the years.

Please, I ask that this month especially everyone keep in their thoughts and prayers Christopher’s family and my family; two families that have been bound through tragedy. May everyone be able to find peace and comfort and happiness and freedom. It’s been a long time coming.

One day closer